Unease
Episode 4 of Season 3 of War. Enjoy. <3 Unease Back at home, family dinners were a sacred thing. We would all go hunting together, then sit outside the den and I'd tell them about my day. How I wished there were other cats my age to hang out with, how I wanted to go to Main or one of the big camps. And my mother would always purr and say, Maybe. While I'm in Main now. Gorsefur glares at his squirrel like it's done him a personal wrong. Or maybe he's just imagining that it's me. Oakclaw and Shadowsong are tussling over a rabbit, usual banter, but there's something weird about it. They obviously convinced themselves that the rest of us have no idea they're not together anymore. Briarclaw is telling Grayleaf about maggots and he eyes his vole nervously. Stormflight is unusually silent, brooding over a magpie. Oakclaw surfaces with the rabbit and takes a big bite. "I really shouldn't tell you about the meeting..." Ever since he ended his guard stint last night, he's been dropping insufferable hints. Not to mention, I really want to know what happened. I do like my gossip. "We don't want to know." Shadowsong grabs the rabbit and takes a bite. "So stop lording it over us." Oakclaw huffs and there's silent for a moment. Then- "The war's ending!" He darts away. The war...over? As a wave, we pop to our paws and pile after Oakclaw. He's turning a corner when I, the fastest cat in the squad, tackle him. The large tom is unbalanced, but then Stormflight rams into him, then Shadowsong, and then we're all asking questions, trying to keep Oakclaw from running off. He shakes with purrs, "Hey, watch the scars!" "Tell us what you're talking about," Gorsefur practically begs, eyes wide. Oakclaw's whiskers twitch. "Not here." He saunters back to our den, infuriatingly slow. We all crouch around him as he sits. He takes a leisurely bite of rabbit, radiating smugness. "So at the meeting...you know, I think I want fish, not rabbit." "Oh for the love of StarClan," Shadowsong mutters. Grayleaf dashes off like his tail is on fire and returns a few minutes later, carrying a fish. Oakclaw sighs, pawing the fish, "So I guess I have to tell you?" "Yes!" we all chorus. "Alright, at the meeting last night...erm...we weren't allowed to pay attention-" "You didn't pay attention," Gorsefur sighs, rolling his eyes. "-''but'' at the end, Firestar said he had a proposal- they end the war. Waterstar said she needed time to think, but she's obviously going to do it." We all look to Briarclaw, the strategic genius. She closes her eyes, smirking slightly, then nods. "Makes sense." Grayleaf gets to his paws again. "Can I go tell my dad? Please? He'll be so happy." Oakclaw's eyes widen and he shakes his head. "We can't tell anyone. Waterstar will kill me- us." "You can go see your dad," Gorsefur says gently. "Just don't tell him anything. Yet." Grayleaf nods and bounds away like a kitten. "Anyone else feel like we're collectively raising him?" Shadowsong asks, whiskers twitching. "I'm going to go see Thornstripe," Thornstripe was her brother. Apparently he'd been in Adderscar's apprentice class and Briarclaw worshiped the ground he padded over. In her eyes, he could do no wrong. She headed off, a different direction than Grayleaf. "What about you?" Gorsefur asked Stormflight. "I don't have any family," he meowed quickly. "What about your mother?" Oakclaw asked, peering at the recruit. Stormflight glowered at him. "I don't have any family!" he stormed off. "Be back here tonight!" Gorsefur shouts after him. Oakclaw turned to Shadowsong. "What about you? Don't you have like, a sister or something?" Her eyes turn stony and she stalks away. "Two for two," Gorsefur teases Oakclaw. "You going to try and make me huff off?" Oakclaw mutters something, then, "I'll be back." He rushes off after Shadowsong. "And then there were two..." I murmur ominously. Gorsefur's whiskers twitch. "Hey...I'm going to my parents. Will you...do you mind...?" I blink, "I thought you hadn't talked to them since Stormpaw died?" He looked at the ground. "If the war is ending...I want to make things right." He looks so young, which is probably why I don't say what I'm thinking. Lately he's been looking older and older, but now he looks like an apprentice picked last for a game. "I'll come," I meow quietly. We get out of the Barracks and head down the less crowded Residential area. We get to an area where there is literally no one else around and I turn a slow circle. "Where is everyone?" Gorsefur's mouth is a thin line. "More and more cats have been getting drafted- younger cats and even older ones." "That's awful," I breathe. "Well, they'll be home soon," he meows peacefully. At ease. "If you believe that," I mutter, before I can stop myself. Gorsefur stops walking. "Are you saying Oakclaw's a liar?" "I'm saying maybe he was lied to. Maybe we all were." I struggle for the words. "It just seems weird...FireClan has...Badgerstrike. He can tell them so much about WaterClan and our defenses. So why would Firestar just want to surrender? It doesn't add up." "Maybe he's just tired of everyone getting killed and injured and tortured and orphaned." Gorsefur defends. "Maybe he just wants it to end." And I've known him long enough to hear the break in his voice, to know that Gorsefur needs this to end. He needs a break. "I think it's a trap," I say softly. "Why do you have to be so suspicious?!" he meows, getting angry. "You can still go see your parents," I meow. "You don't need the end of a war as an excuse to go." he stiffens and I press on. "Gorsefur, they'll forgive you, if they haven't already. But they must feel like they lost two sons that day instead of one and you can't make them deal with that anymore." Gorsefur's eyes are wide and he looks so betrayed I suddenly realize how much this hurts for him. The she-cat he loves but doesn't love him back telling him he has to go talk to his long-estranged parents who he can't look at without remembering how he thinks he got his little brother/apprentice killed. I'm not surprised when he turns and walks off. "Gorsefur, wait! I'm sorry!" he doesn't respond, so I shout the only thing I can think of. "Gorsefur, what did I say?!" He turns slowly and I take a shuddering breath. "What did I say when I was hallucinating? What made you so...upset?" I don't think he'll answer. He looks at the ground, swallows, then finally meets my eye. "You told me you thought you loved me." I step back, blinking. All this time I thought it was me telling him I hated him or something equally terrible. Why would I tell him something I don't even know is true? Well, I'm pretty positive it's true. Right? "So is it true?" his golden eyes search me, troubled. "Gorsefur...I-I think...I need time. Too much is happening and- and I have to find out what Firestar is plotting-" "Firestar's not plotting anything!" Gorsefur shouts. I'm glad no one's around because I can see where this is heading. "Brookfall, I wasn't angry at you for telling me you weren't ready, but if you think you love me, don't I deserve to know?" His eyes are bright. Too bright. It was right around this spot where he told me his brother died and he thought it was his fault. And that he cared about me. Then everything fell apart. Like it's doing right now. "I think it's true, but I was hallucinating. And this Firestar thing is serious!" "Nothing is happening!" Gorsefur explodes. "Why are you so stubborn?" "I'm sorry..." I whisper. Gorsefur softens, covering the distance between us. I think he means to give me a comforting lick, but our noses brush and a bolt of lightning goes through me. Gorsefur looks at me and I take a deep breath. Still a whisker length away, Gorsefur murmurs, "Brookfall, please...just stay with me. Someone else can save the world, if it even needs saving." "You told Aquatail you wanted to save the world more than anything," I breathe back. He leans away, looking to the stars. "" I thought I did, but the world is kinda a terrible place, you know?" he looks at his paws and it hits me how hard this past moon has been for him. Getting captured. Aquatail dying for him. Badgerstrike betraying us. Silverflower dying. Adderscar leaving. Oakclaw getting taken hostage. Me telling him I didn't love him, then telling him the opposite. This isn't you, I want to scream. No one's given you time to mourn and you need that, but this is not you. "Brookfall, stay with me," Gorsefur begs. "Please." Oakclaw chased after Shadowsong. "Wait!" he called for the fourth time. He expected her to keep walking (again) but she paused, turning. The brunt of her anger hit him and he almost took a step back, but he kept going. "What?" she hissed. "Have you noticed that even though you're the one who broke up with me, I'm the one being treated like a jerk?" he growled. She stepped back then, looking like he smacked her on the muzzle. He felt both a grim sense of satisfaction and a broken sense of hurt. "I'm sorry for whatever I said," he meowed. "Do you want to talk about it?" She opened her mouth, then shut it and shook her head. He didn't push it. "Shadowsong...I still have feelings for you. And you said you did too. But you don't have to worry about me- I will always come back, I will fight any battle, win any day, I will never leave you alone. I promise." Shadowsong looked up at him with misty golden eyes and he touched his nose to hers, gently. She closed her eyes, then steeled herself, and pulled away. "I think I need to be alone for a bit," she meowed stiffly. "You've been alone a long time." "I'm used to it." "Try something new, dip your paws in the water." "Small steps?" "Or big ones." "Small steps." "Medium." "We can't..." "Small steps?" "Friends?" "Sigh." She purred. "I miss you. This." "I miss you too." his eyes were tender. "But I can't be vulnerable like that." "I know, me neither." "Yeah." she looked at her paws. "We have to be he big, strong ones." he sighed. "For when everyone else is falling apart." "Even when we're falling apart." Oakclaw sighed, looking at her. "We can't be together can we? It screws things up." "We have feelings for each other though..." she meowed. "But you're right. Neither one of us wants to be vulnerable and the others need us to be to tough ones." "Well," he meowed, whiskers twitching. "We can still be best friends, right? And, you know, casually flirtatious. And maybe, one day, when we get over ourselves, and when the war ends..." "You're a freak," she purred. "That wasn't a no," he persisted. "No," she agreed. "It wasn't." Gorsefur sat, his tails crossed neatly over his paws. Briarclaw was the first to arrive, early as usual. Grayleaf arrived right on time. Shadowsong and Oakclaw came together, laughing at something. Stormflight was late. "We're all here," Gorsefur meowed. "Why do we have to be here?" Shadowsong called. "We don't have a mission, Waterstar just wants Oakclaw." she shoved him and he shoved her back, whiskers twitching. "She also wants us to observe curfew," Gorsefur sighed. A groan went up. "We don't have to go asleep, just be in the den." Grumbling, the squad began to call nests and mock fight, squeezing into the den. Oakclaw was the last one in and he caught Gorsefur's eye, "Hey, where's Brookfall?" Gorsefur looked at the ground. He'd thought it would hurt more, but he just felt empty. "Gorsefur?" Oakclaw looked worried now. Gorsefur took a deep breath, not looking at his friend. "She'll...she'll be coming." Oakclaw nodded not looking entirely convinced and headed into the den. Gorsefur bowed his head. Brookfall would be out of Main now, headed for the border. He had to protect her, give her as much time as possible. I think I'm in love with you. She had been hallucinating th"em, but when she looked at him before her eyes had been clear, no hesitation in their voice. I do think I'm in love with you, she's whispered before shattering his heart. But you can't save the world, you need time too. So go rest and I'll do it for you. I stood at the border. After an entire night of running, my sides are slick with sweat. Still, it never ceases to amaze me at how close Main is to the border of our enemies. You'd think someone would've noticed that tactical error. Of course, FireClan Main is probably the same distance. The border is chaotic with FireClan refugees trying to get in or out. Guards ask questions and slowly wave cats through. I don't know where the refugees go once they're out of FireClan, or how the ones that want to go in got out, but they're there nonetheless. Some of them are criminals, WaterClan sympathizers, families. I head down. My goal is to make contact with one of those WaterClan spies everyone's always refuging. I'm not really sure beyond that. Uncertainly, I join the line, or the mass that's passing for a line. "Hey, you!" Someone is talking to me. "Listen, I got kicked out for disturbing the peace, it was a big misunderstanding. Would you be willing to pose as my mate? It makes the guards more malleable, something about the whole mate happiness rubbing off on them. You wouldn't understand." I turn, the refusal in my mouth, but it dies in my tongue. Adderscar's poison green eyes stare back at me. "Well, this is awkward." Category:Artimas Hunter's Fanfics